To catch up...There have been a lot of ups and downs lately. I guess that's expected the closer I get to my due date.
Tuesday night I started having contractions 1 minute long with a minute break in between. This lasted about an hour and a half and we were trying to decide whether to head to the hospital or not. I had forgotten how much back labor hurt. I decided to try different things to relieve them because I wasn't packed yet. Silly, I know. I ended up going to bed and they finally stopped.
Thursday I got an email from a good friend that indicated she was still praying for healing for Logan. I realized that I've already decided what I think God's answer will be even though He hasn't answered me. Who am I to predict His actions? I know that we need to prepare for the worst because it is a possibility, but we need to leave the door open to the possibility that He will heal him. I spent the night looking up verses about healing and was filled with a peace that can only come from God.
Today, I am clinging to that peace. A good friend of mine had a baby at the very hospital I will be delivering at in the next 3 weeks. We went to visit her and welcome the new addition. I am excited for her. I really am. But I started sobbing when we got out to the parking lot. I told my husband that I don't want to come back to the hospital - like whatever happens will be changed by not going to the hospital. I have good memories there, both of my kids were born there. But being there today...was painful.
My daughter has already started praying every night that if God doesn't heal baby Logan, that He'll help us get over being sad really quickly. I tried to explain that it's normal to be sad when someone dies. I wonder if in her seven-year-old eyes she sees that he will be going to Heaven to be with Jesus so it's not really that sad. I'm not saying her perspective is wrong - it is the eternal one, but I'm going to have to work on it...
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5 comments:
Hi my name is Kristan. I found your blog through the Nordstrom's blog. We use to live in Salem and our kids went to school with the Nordstroms's anyway, now that you know I'm not a stalker. I wanted to let you know I have been praying for you. I check your blog often and say a prayer everytime I do. I just wanted to let you know that there is a family in Nevada praying for you.
Thanks for introducing yourself Kristan. I wouldn't have thought you were a stalker. I find it incredibly comforting knowing that when we are unable to pray, there are others who are praying on our behalf. Thank you!
It is amazing how clear kids can think sometimes. They think in black and white and see truths where we just see sadness.
I will be praying with more dedication for complete healing for Logan. We know God is our healer so we know this can happen. He is also our provider and he will provide you the strength you need to get through this.
You are really an incredible woman. Every time I see you I am amazed at how strong you are. But I always appreciate you telling us the truth about what you are feeling and going through. You are very special.
I have to say Lisa, you picked a great name!! (he he, since my son is Logan). I have been thinking about you and look at Walmart when I am there on Mondays! I am glad you started this blog, my prayers are with you and your family. You are a very strong woman....you and your family will get through this...where ever it leads.
I am praying for you this morning that God will give you the peace that only He can give.
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