Logan's birth

Logan came a little sooner than we planned. I woke up Wednesday morning on April 1st in labor. I figured it was just another round of false labor, so I planned to get the kids to school and then deal with it. As I was pulling out of the driveway, I realized that the 3 minute pattern wasn't changing (contraction for about 30 seconds every 3 minutes). In between contractions, I got B dropped off at school and quickly realized that things weren't slowing down. The doctor's office couldn't fit me in until the afternoon so I let them know I was heading over to the hospital. No, I didn't drive myself - although I toyed with the idea. I was able to get E to school early and headed home to wait for my Dad to come to my rescue. I can't remember the trip to the hospital ever being so long.

I typically have really long labors (as in days) so I wasn't too concerned until the nurse announced I was at a "9." My dad calmly informed Tony he'd better head our way and, minutes later, I was being whisked away to the operating room. We waited as long as possible and then they informed me that they had to get started. Tony arrived about 10 minutes after Logan's birth so we were able to spend the 90 minutes of his short life just loving on him. He was the sweetest, softest child I have ever held in my arms. Don't get me wrong, holding my other kids was wonderful, but this was like holding something Heavenly. He cooed, grabbed my finger, and looked around a little. We kissed him, stroked his face and told him how brave he was. This kid was a fighter. At this point, he'd been dealing with low amniotic fluid since December and at some point the encephlocele had deflated, which means he didn't have long. As the doctors were finishing me up, Logan took a few gasps and was gone.

We headed to our room, knowing Logan was in the arms of Jesus and at peace. Shortly thereafter, our parents, the kids, and some great friends arrived to support us and meet Logan. We had a wonderful photographer from Now I Lay me Down to Sleep come and take pictures of Logan and friends and family. Two of the best friends a girl could have, Sherry and Christy, patiently put handprints and footprints on a Christmas ornament, in clay, and took moldings of the same. Logan had 6 fingers on each hand and 6 toes on each foot along with club feet, but they were so cute.

It was one of the most blessed and awful days of my life. The last 9 months have been hard, knowing at first that we might lose him, and later, knowing it was very likely. However, those 90 minutes with him were absolutely worth it. I can't even explain how precious it was.

As you might imagine, we're all a bit of a mess around here. It will get better with time and God's grace, but for now, it's pretty messy. I honestly thought this would be easier because we've been kind of grieving all along, but that has not been the case. I know if we can just get through the next couple of weeks, things will get a little easier. We're having the burial service at 1:00 on Wednesday with the Memorial Service planned for Friday. I expect that this week will be especially difficult, but we have great friends and family lifting us up continually. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I can't tell you how much your encouragement means.