27 weeks

At the moment, I'm going in to see the Dr every 2 weeks. I was having some trouble with my blood pressure being too high, but now it's only slightly high so I'm not sure why she's having me come in so often but it's nice to get an update. At last check, I was measuring 3 weeks ahead of schedule. Baby's heart rate had been in the 150's but has dropped to the 130's in the last month. I'm told it's still within normal range, but it seems odd to me. I'm still feeling baby's movements but they seem to be confined to specific periods, alot of movement then nothing for the rest of the day. This pregnancy has been so unlike my others it's hard to know what to expect.

I'm doing okay most of the time. Lately, I've been feeling pressure to get "final arrangements" made, but I'm really resisting it. Perhaps I'm back in a stage of denial hoping this'll all go away and I can have a healthy child. I'm finding that I'm still drawn to babies but am not making an effort to pick them up. I offered a friend some of our baby stuff as she got rid of hers - thinking they were done. I was fine until I starting thinking about the crib; for some reason it holds more emotion for me and I can't even talk about it without welling up. I keep reminding myself that it's normal to feel sadness at times and that this isn't supposed to be easy, but I still feel frustrated with this process.