I've been thinking about blogging for a while, but to be honest, I've been hiding. I wouldn't say I've so much turned away from God but I've been hiding out, not wanting to deal with anything. God has not turned away from me though. I know He's still here waiting patiently for me to turn back to Him. I'm just not experiencing Him fully as I can when I surrender to Him. Sorry if that doesn't make sense - it's logical in my own head.
I think I've been hiding because the main feeling I've been having lately is anger. It's an uncomfortable feeling, especially because it's not really directed at someone that I can work on resolving it with like you would any other situation. I don't blame God for what happened to Logan. I fully believe He could have healed him and allowed it to happen for what is probably many reasons. I also know He is sovereign and wants what is best for us. That being said, I don't agree. I would much rather have my child alive and in my arms, than holding onto a brief memory and an empty blanket. Like I've said, life is messy right now. On that note, I want to thank you. It really helps to write this out - get it out of my head - and know that others care and are praying for us.
Life goes on and it's a good thing, but there is still a part of me that is standing still. A part of me that notices every baby that goes by and sees it as a reminder of what is waiting for me in Heaven.
Logan would be...
Praying for our children
What Sesame Street character am I?
| You Are Bert |
 You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others |
3 comments:
My heart goes out to you. It takes awhile to go through all the stages of grief. You will get through this---God is always there for you. It is so hard to understand why things happen. I sometimes wish our plans were the same as God's plans for us...
Hello, I am Jolene Wall's Mom and Noah's Nana! I just want to tell you that I have added your family to my prayer list. It has been almost 1 year now that we have known what MGS is and we have had the joy of meeting many new people all over the world that share in knowing what it is like to give a baby / grandbaby back to the LORD.
Looking forward to getting to know you all better through bloggerland.
Lisa, anger is healthy in this sense, not something to be ashamed of...When we feel hurt, there are two immediate emotional reactions that we all tend to respond with: anger or sadness.
Personally I think anger is healthy as it helps mobilize us, rather than sadness which immobilizes us. Anger is important BECAUSE it moves us, shakes us up and keeps us from falling into depression in hard times. An old friend once wrote a saying that I think might help you, "Anger is a gift," so don't judge yourself but consider it a blessing to take actions that help you heal and move past the sadness. In this way, anger can help motivate you, push you to act in positive ways. We should never be ashamed of our emotions, only be mindful of how we act upon them. Peace and blessings Sis'! Lots of Love, Polly
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