Life has been so busy lately. We taken a few overnight trips to the beach, been at three Vacation Bible Schools, a weekly library activity, and a week and a half of Safety camp for E. I had planned to keep the kids busy through the summer so they wouldn’t get bored or fight as much, but I think I overshot it a bit. There have been weeks where we were hardly home.
B and I went to a day camp last Saturday put on by the local hospice service. It was a full day of talking about loss, learning how to deal with our own grieving and guide our kids through that same process. It was helpful and I got a lot of insight into how B might perceive Logan’s death from a seven-year-old’s perspective. The one thing that was missing from the teaching was God. They tried to stay pretty neutral on the subject and it was not a faith-based institution sponsoring the event, so I expected as much, but it’s so hard to talk about loss without including the hope of Christ. It was like going to a seminar about baking and never getting to see something come out of the oven.
There were a lot of people there that were Christians and talked pretty openly about faith, but about half did not. There seemed to be a deeper sadness felt by those that weren’t believers. This is completely subjective of course. I guess it’s a good reminder that so much of my healing is all about God.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Struggling
I have been trying not to be angry. Even before we knew about Logan’s diagnosis, I made a decision I was not going to be angry at God. I didn’t want my faith to be affected in a negative way by Logan’s death. Today, I had a realization that it’s okay to be angry about Logan’s death because God is probably angry too. He didn’t intend for us to be separated from one another by death. That’s why this feels so unnatural and difficult. It was never supposed to be this way and wasn’t, until sin entered the world. I’ve decided that it’s okay to be angry because my anger isn’t directed at God, but at sin. Sin is the cause of my pain - in more ways than this one.
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